Why I Heart Oprah by Geenie Cola
I find myself in the intense finals of an academic bowl. It’s unclear as to if it is the US Finals or the World. I’m guessing it is the Universe finals since Oprah was there. Anyhoo, It is me, Jung-Gun (my friend from work), Craig (my friend from grad school) and Jenny (random girl from high school that I really didn’t even know) we are all on the academic bowl team together. It is really intense because it is the final question and as long as we answer this one correctly we WIN! WIN! WIN! Oprah being the host and judge of the competition asks the question…we all submit our answers. There is a long pause as Oprah says, there is a problem. It seems that Jenny’s answer is unclear and Oprah can’t rule as to if it is correct or not. No wonder I wasn’t really friends with her in H.S., idiot! Oprah needs time to think it over. Crap, NOOOOO, because the winners get $200million as the prize-that is $50 million each! I say to my team, because of course I’m the team captain, “I’m going to go talk to Oprah.” I’m standing in front of Oprah pleading our case and explaining that in fact Jenny’s answer is clear and correct. Oprah says she will have her decision in the morning. My whole team is on edge and can’t sleep. It’s morning and the phone rings…it’s Oprah. Jung-Gun answers the phone, listens. then hangs up. We are all DYING to know what she said. He says we won. We are all stunned and hugging when Jung-Gun elbows me in the face super hard. I’m thinking what the?!?!?! This is when I wake up and realize no it is just Pinko Punko doing his signature sleep move of elbowing me in the head. Sadly, no $50 million.