Author Archive for The Uncanny Canadian

Uma Thurman?


The dream begins where I’m riding a bus and I’m making very nice conversation with the cute blonde sitting in front of me. She looks like Jessica Simpson with the face of Reese Witherspoon (I briefly remember what Reese Witherspoon looks like, having watched Just Like Heaven on the bus ride to NYC with AG) , but introduces herself to me as Uma Thurman. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think that name sounds familiar, but I’m unable to make any specific connection. As Uma and I continue to chat about sanskrit texts and the Dharma Initiative (I’ve been wasting waaay too much time playing the Lost Experience), a young man sitting to the right of the bus interrupts us and asks Uma Thurman for an autograph and gushes about how excited he is to meet her and all the typical stuff that fans do. Uma indulges him, but shortly thereafter, she breaks down crying and explains to me how horrible the intrusion of privacy is and how it is eating her alive. She further goes on to say that I’m the only person she’s ever met that doesn’t seem to know who she is or wants anything out of her. Around this point I begin to wonder if she’s some kind of celebrity.

The next thing I know, we’ve arrived at our destination and are in some kind of theatre. Uma and I have apparently become very close in the intervening time, and she tells me that she will be doing some performance and wants me to sing with her and will I pick out a song for us to sing. Now I’m pretty worried here. For one, I’m under the impression that Uma is trained in operatic singing and the musical selections are far too advanced for someone like myself. She seems to think that I not only have the ability to sing, but also am familiar with all of these French songs, seeing as I’m Canadian and all. Every time I think I know a song, I realize that I don’t know a single lyric, and I’m too nervous to sight-read. We bicker about the singing thing for a short while when Uma’s manager or agent checks on the situation and has a freak-out that me, a rank amateur, will be performing with Uma. He tells Uma that her career will be over if I sing in public with her. I’m off the hook!